Tepig Army
by E-arth Duelist
Summary: Read the trials of the Tepig Army as they try to complete missions and aggervate their teammates.


The Tepig Army

Mission 1: Recipe in Need

"Attention!" yelled the grumpy captain. The cigar from his mouth hung loosely as he searched the abandoned building for his squad. "Tepig army, sound off!" Outside the warehouse, three little Tepig who were playing in Nimbasa square quickly ran inside.

"Commander Snively Snivy, Tepig Army squad is reporting for duty!" they cried.

The snivy frowned a bit, the cigar falling from his mouth. "Alright, let's take a roll call. Runt!" A Tepig with a tuft of black hair on his head stepped forward, a wicked grin on his face. Runt was a wild Tepig and I don't mean as in living in the wild. This Tepig had a mischivious personality and loved to cause pranks. Snively regarded him with a silent nod and moved on.

"Oken!" The second Tepig, Oken, wore a baseball cap on his head, symbolizing his love for the Yankees. Other than that, Oken looked like your average Tepig. Personality wise, he wasn't much better than Runt, ready to cause trouble with his fellow squad mate. Snively gave a grunt and moved on.

"Ribbon!" The only girl of the squad, she wore a pink bow on her head, but also looked like any other Tepig beyond that small change. As for her personality, she was the more mature, follow the book squad member, despite the rest of the squad's neglect for codes and regulations. Snively gave a brief smirk before clearing his throat.

"Okay Tepig Army. I would like to inform you that your squad has been given its first mission. You are to...!" A spitball hit Snively in the face. "Runt, I know that was you..." A second spitball hit him just to the side and he directed his glare to Oken. "Look! As your commander, I'll only say this once. Quit with the spitballs!"

"Awww..." Runt and Oken groaned. Ribbon scoffed at them.

"Honestly, can't you boys sit still for five minutes?" She shook her head and stared at Snively. "You were saying, commander?"

Snively cleared his throat again. "I was saying that your first mission will be a complicated one. It seems that high command has decided you three are fit enough for this job, but..." He paused before sighing and continuing. "You three are to infiltrate Castle Zekrom and snatch the recipe to Zekroar's famous mixed nut muffins."

Runt and Oken looked at each other. "Adventure!" they shouted. "We're going on an adventure! We're going on an adventure!"

"Hold on!" Ribbon shouted above them, instantly quieting their joy. "With all respect commander, is this a serious mission? It sounds a bit stupid to me."

Snively nodded, understanding her doubt. "Of course it sounds stupid. Going into a dangerous castle just to steal a recipe...but, that recipe would make our base a sure winner at the bake off next Tuesday. Against the Oshawott Army...well, they are tough contenders. We barely lost to their delicious chocolate cake last year. With ten types of frosting and four different toppings like oreos, sprinkles..." He cleared his throat. "You three should hurry up. Time is wasting and your mission is dangerous. Good luck."

Ribbon sighed and rallied her squad and took out a map of the Unova region. "Come on. I guess we have no choice. Castle Zekrom is near Relic Castle in the desert, so I guess we should get moving. Now, if we go in this route..."

"I'll race you there!" Oken shouted to Runt. He took off, leaving the other two Tepig in his dust.

"Oken! Get back here!" Ribbon shouted.

"Yeah, you meathead! You can't be faster than me!" Runt yelled, giving chase. Ribbon sighed, put up her map and followed. With Oken leading, they got lost and ended up in an unkown area of Unova called the Swamp of Tears. "Nice work, Oken" Ribbon scoffed. "If you two had just listened to me..."

"Excuse me?" Runt asked. "Did you just say something?"

Ribbon gave him a glare. "Yes. Now listen, despite how stupid it is, this is an operation and it should be taken seriously."

"It's hard to take you seriously when you have mud on your face" Runt replied. He looked at Oken, who nodded.

"What?" Ribbon asked, looking up.

"Mud fight!" Runt shouted, running through the mud. This caused both Ribbon and Oken to be splashed with mud and Oken's baseball cap was knocked off of his head.

"Noooooo! My Yankees cap!" Oken cried. He flame charged into Runt and they both went down in the mud, each tackling into each other. Ribbon sighed and shook the mud off of her.

"If you two don't stop right now, I'm going to tell the commander" she said. Both Tepig continued to ignore her, as usual. "Why can't they just listen to...um?" She noticed she was face to face, literally, with a Psyduck. This Psyduck was wearing a baseball cap on his head and barely blinked at her. "Hello?" She backed away a bit, but the Psyduck advanced on her, still looking at her face. "What?"

"Pretty eyes" he said, causing a shiver to rund down her back. "Very pretty eyes. Marvin loves pretty eyes." Ribbon backed away some more, but Marvin wouldn't let her go. During their fight, Oken noticed that Marvin was wearing his Yankees baseball cap.

"No you don't!" Oken yelled, tackling Marvin and recovering his baseball cap. "Hurry Runt! Ribbon is in danger! And the enemy is a hat thief!" Runt was nowhere to be seen. "Okay, then I'll deal with him myse..." Marvin opened his mouth and used water gun, sending Oken sprawling on the ground.

"Pretty eyes girl" Marvin said, slowly advancing on Ribbon once again. Ribbons braced herself and lowered her snout.

"Nobody mess with my squad" she threatened. "Despite the fact that they may be idiots." Suddenly, she heard a shout from a familiar voice.

"Bombs away!" Runt shouted. Somehow, he had built a catapult and loaded it with a mud bomb. The mud bomb sailed through the sky and toward Marvin...and over Marvin and...Splat! "Sorry, Ribbon..." Runt frowned.

Ribbon stared at Marvin, the mud on her face making her glare even more menacing. "Go away." She looked at Runt. "And when I'm done with this idiot, you're...!" Marvin approached even closer and his eyes were in her face. "Get back!" she shouted, firing an ember at his face. The Psyduck was sent backwards through the swamp, slightly charred. "Run for it!" she cried, running back the way they came.

Runt ran after her and Oken brought up the rear, stopping for a moment to shout at their apparent attacker. "And that's what you get for taking my treasured cap!" he shouted. Then, he raced after the rest of the squad.


End file.
